What is Grief? (as defined by Todd Van Beck)

What is Grief?

Grief is clinically defined as the emotion of loss.

It is where a young widow must seek a means to bring up her three children alone.

It is the angry reaction of a man so filled with uncertainty and confusion that he strikes out at the nearest person.

Grief is the little old lady who goes to the funeral of a stranger and cries her eyes out there; she is weeping now for herself, for an event she is sure will come, and for which she is trying to prepare.

Grief is a mother walking daily to a nearby cemetery to stand quietly and alone for a few moments before she goes on with the tasks of the day; she knows that part of her is in the cemetery, just as part of her is in her daily work.

Grief is the deep sympathy one person has for another when he wants to do all he can to help resolve a tragic problem.

Grief is the silent, knife-like terror and sadness that comes a hundred times a day, when you start to speak to someone who is no longer there.

Grief is the emptiness that comes when you eat alone after eating with one another for many years.

Grief is teaching yourself to go to bed without saying good night to the one who has died.

Grief is the helpless wishing that things were different when you know they are not and never will be again.

Grief is a whole cluster of adjustment, apprehension, and uncertainty that strikes life in its forward progress and makes it difficult to reorganize and redirect the energies of life.

Grief is grief; and pain is pain the world over.

When therapists and counselors speak about grief, they refer to the process that involves adjusting to changed circumstances. They are referring to the deep fears of the mourner, to their prospects of loneliness, to the obstacles they must face as they find a new way of living.

-Todd W. Van Beck